6.30am - crawl into the cot to soothe a teething baby and let my night shift working husband sleep in. End up falling asleep, only to be woken by said husband's muffled laughter as he points the camera at us, because, in his words 'I look so funny when I sleep'. Gee, thanks love!
7.30am - decide to sneak out of cot. Extricate my arm from underneath sleeping baby, climb out of cot, open the creaky door without waking her up - then fall over the cat who has been waiting for his breakfast outside the door. Cat 1, Me 0.
8.15am - roused from bed by a shriek of indignation when daughter realises I am no longer in cot. Rush in, debate dressing the screaming wriggling red faced octopus, then decide it'll be a whole lot easier if we all have a PJ day.
8.20am - nappy changed, we make it downstairs. Proceed to wrestle 1 1/2 weetabix and most of a cup of water into daughter. Remainder goes over my face. Ah well, at least it's supposed to be good for the skin.
10am - whilst chasing the cats, daughter trips over and bashes face. Ensuing tantrum can only be eased by whirling around the room to a soundtrack of rock music re-enacting the moves from the last series of Strictly Come Dancing. Favourite is the over the shoulder lift, which has to be repeated 10 times.
12pm - lunch time. Daughter happily eats most of food, and cats rush around eating the bits she has dropped. I consider this a result.
12.30pm - time for a nap, and a HOT CUP OF TEA! Best part of the day. Put feet up, and dream of a nice hot bath, a book and a glass of wine. Nope, not for tonight; that only happened in BC days (before children). These days, daughter's internal siren goes off the instant I dip a toe into the lovely hot, bubbly water. By the time she deigns to go back to sleep, the water has gone cold, and I'm lucky to have time to wash my hair before it's time for her to wake up or the phone rings.
1pm - daughter has had enough of sleep, and alerts me to this fact by dragging her dummy up and down the wall. You think the sound of chalk on a blackboard is bad?! It's got nothing on this.
2pm - a rare moment of quiet, snuggled up on the sofa reading a book together. It is ruined by darling daughter snatching the book and hitting me in the face with the edge of it, then saying 'aaaah, mama' and cuddling my arm. Cannot possibly be cross with that angelic face.
3pm - sweep the floor, assisted by daughter handing me a piece of fluff with a hopeful expression. I know instinctively that she considers this the greatest gift she can give me, and sweep her up for a big cuddle and kiss. This is not appreciated, and she blows a raspberry at me before wriggling away.
3.45pm - we decide to rush around the room yelling 'brrmmmm!'. This is daughter's way of pretending to be a motorbike, and we keep this up until...
4.30pm - teatime. A relatively calm event, due to daughter taking control of the spoon, but unsurprisingly very messy. Pea extracted from nostril, and tomato sauce wiped off bookcase.
There are still two hours until bedtime. I wonder what mischief she can get up to in that time?
And you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.